Tuesday, October 7, 2008
A simple BEE!
Today much has happened in every aspect of my life that its not funny, and i really mean that about not being funny although it used otherwise, in any case today in the afternoon, while i was in the roof of my house, around 6 or 6:30pm when all the bird that sleep in the tree on the boulevard near my house come back to rest its a complet spectacle to see how many actually rest in only one of the trees, and as the neighbors scare the bird to get less noise and contamination they fly back its even full see them fly in circle at least about 400 truelly even more... but as all this was taking place and it takes place everyday since i can rememeber being as kid on my rooof or as teenager... A BEE! decided i asume that it be good to land on my hand, ) this does not bug me in a bit that its a bug ( ops is this a pun or something like it???) cus i dont mind insects except im carefull with many of the dangerous ones.......) to help u get my bee thing it stayed with me for over 10 min.... i watched it sit there for a momment and then it started to rub its hind legs and get pollen clogged on there to it legs in little ball is was better than discovery if u can understand, anyhow i put the BEE in a tree in my garden on the roof of my house even showed my mom the BEE cus i had talked about having butterflies stay on my hand or clothing as in my shirt cus i put them there, for over 10 min so it was not as to say strange this happended but i do believe it to be a sign and i will talk about it more.. when im not as angry or sad.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
WELL.......WELLLLL !
Today adds one more cycle or year as it's commonly said. Today is my day , and as much as happiness should over flow to be gitty,and glad as to reaching this point, I also feel many other things as Wonder, and Fear, of not reaching my goal; with this said I also am greatfull for manything as well for example, being blessed to growing up in this wonder family and having a change to reddeim myself of all i have done , created and caused.
S now I let u free of my nonesence , and Im off to enjoy my afternoon, in mist of my cave, wishing many things and deserving less.
Today is the beginng of a new cycle, or i should say this is my wish without a cake!
PS. And truthfully a special thanks to anyone that has helped, at anyponit in anyway.... THANKS!
S now I let u free of my nonesence , and Im off to enjoy my afternoon, in mist of my cave, wishing many things and deserving less.
Today is the beginng of a new cycle, or i should say this is my wish without a cake!
PS. And truthfully a special thanks to anyone that has helped, at anyponit in anyway.... THANKS!
Friday, September 5, 2008
JUST to thnks for the support
I'd like to say thanks for the comments and u will here more about this ordeal tomrrow sleep tight
Thursday, September 4, 2008
This place has to help cus i need alot....... my crash
I always thought that i could manage my own needs, likes, cravings but some have slip out of my hands so much I can only begin to explain my inner felling, but I am so ashamed with my parents at this moment, that eventough my present tears may seem worthless , I never in my life have I ever felt this way, not to say I feel worthless but I really have hit rock bottom, and I really never wanted to get this far down, or be such embarrasment to myself and to my whole family, I know that u love me and u have all tried to be there for me eventough I really never been there for anyone of you and I have been hateing my life for some time now, and the odd thing is that as much as I hated it I havent really done much to make it better but i have succeded in making it worse not only for me but my parent as welll, I really until recently started to realize all the harm I really have caused them before my last incident
I more today that any other moment in my life see that my acciones havent been to make my life a better one but, to make it easier to go to hell, and im past that,i havent prayer much in my life but, i really hope that everyone helps me be different even God's help I need.
I have wanted to be another person so long, i really never, be this hurtfull, hatefull, person i have become, unstable, and eradic, i know i dont have many chances or opportunities now than I had before but I cant keep wasting my life like iIhave, I want to be that person who can take care of others, careing, loving, that had a normal life, eventhough no one is normal for that I have something to look for, have a future ; cus I dont have one right now, all because I havent put all my effort in actually changing my life.
The thing that is scarry is that i dont what to fail at this, not this time not ever again, i have the best family in world, and i havent been thankfull to u at all, what I wish as anyone is that life were simple and always had an ilusiion that I'd would get better by itself, but i was crazy to think this for so long, and now faced with my own destruction by my own hand i fear even of myself, i fear failing to change but i dont have choice if i ever want to be part of this family as i dreamed to be, and as normal as I should be.
I cant fail at this as i have failed in other occasions thinking that it be ok but look at me im not ok, I'm person that lost his way many years ago and want's so badly to retake, restart, reboot myself cus I really, am so tired of being this thing I am!.... I cant explain.
I more today that any other moment in my life see that my acciones havent been to make my life a better one but, to make it easier to go to hell, and im past that,i havent prayer much in my life but, i really hope that everyone helps me be different even God's help I need.
I have wanted to be another person so long, i really never, be this hurtfull, hatefull, person i have become, unstable, and eradic, i know i dont have many chances or opportunities now than I had before but I cant keep wasting my life like iIhave, I want to be that person who can take care of others, careing, loving, that had a normal life, eventhough no one is normal for that I have something to look for, have a future ; cus I dont have one right now, all because I havent put all my effort in actually changing my life.
The thing that is scarry is that i dont what to fail at this, not this time not ever again, i have the best family in world, and i havent been thankfull to u at all, what I wish as anyone is that life were simple and always had an ilusiion that I'd would get better by itself, but i was crazy to think this for so long, and now faced with my own destruction by my own hand i fear even of myself, i fear failing to change but i dont have choice if i ever want to be part of this family as i dreamed to be, and as normal as I should be.
I cant fail at this as i have failed in other occasions thinking that it be ok but look at me im not ok, I'm person that lost his way many years ago and want's so badly to retake, restart, reboot myself cus I really, am so tired of being this thing I am!.... I cant explain.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
I have been thinking... but not alot.
Well, mmmmmmmmmmm;
I have been thinking some about as to how begin this page,
this blog, this site. U can call it what ever u want a waste of space,
or simply the weirdest; but still it has been bugging
me how to begin this.
I`ll call it my Insanity(most would use this word).
Sad enough I haven`t really come up with way, or should I say
I haven not tried to make this; some sort of medium
to comunicate even with myself, with someone or
something but I`ll begin with the fact that:
I probably suffer of something which I think is called to be Neurotic,
but some other doctor says that I may have a 25% chance of being bipolar
(scarrrry! but possibly true!), Does this make me ?....
I guess it play a role on the person that I am!.
The odd part is I dont really know how to begin talking about myself but,
I'll began with a medical over view of ME.
As if I was so simply explained...Is anyone so simply explained, really??????.
Only in this case I show a mental side to me, a clinical side you could say.
There are many thing more to my self,
my personality is not something based on my insanity or my neurosis,
but it`s possible to be forged by my education,
and the other side to any human the exposure to many things
as well as to this harsh world we breath, live, and destroy...
Because we all do in someway!.,
Think about it ????? and u'd find a way
in something u use or eat, or consume, or abuse or something!.
But anyhow one of the things Id like to talk about to get this place
going is something Im presently doing:
Which is the production of a toy for sale, that is designed to make Bubbles
(pretty big ones as a matter of fact...OPS a parenthesis with in a parenthesis...
(soon pictures of these bubbles so u can understand better what it is that i do presently!).
I run off as to catch some late TV, as I have a lite dinner, before I retire to bed.
I cannot leave without expressing something, maybe I have? maybe i haven`T?.
Now here is where it begins, as to the fact that I have written about myself I began with my
Neurosis, because its the reason for this to become something that helps me
or tell`s me how crazy I really am....lol (sorry but true).
And as to what this place is?
Well anything that maybe stored in this place called...
(what could i call it a digital diary or some sort)
well I have to be true to: http://www.blogger.com/ .
This is like many have said "Until next time"
when or how?, who knows; but i can asume there will be more.
As dumb as it sounds think and dont forget to breathe!
P.S. I had written one before this one but it got erased,
because I did something I shouldn`t `since im a first user, but eventhough
its not the same, and I had loved how I wrote the first one, this is longer, still has the 2 main ideas ! me mentally and my present job u could say.
I have been thinking some about as to how begin this page,
this blog, this site. U can call it what ever u want a waste of space,
or simply the weirdest; but still it has been bugging
me how to begin this.
I`ll call it my Insanity(most would use this word).
Sad enough I haven`t really come up with way, or should I say
I haven not tried to make this; some sort of medium
to comunicate even with myself, with someone or
something but I`ll begin with the fact that:
I probably suffer of something which I think is called to be Neurotic,
but some other doctor says that I may have a 25% chance of being bipolar
(scarrrry! but possibly true!), Does this make me ?....
I guess it play a role on the person that I am!.
The odd part is I dont really know how to begin talking about myself but,
I'll began with a medical over view of ME.
As if I was so simply explained...Is anyone so simply explained, really??????.
Only in this case I show a mental side to me, a clinical side you could say.
There are many thing more to my self,
my personality is not something based on my insanity or my neurosis,
but it`s possible to be forged by my education,
and the other side to any human the exposure to many things
as well as to this harsh world we breath, live, and destroy...
Because we all do in someway!.,
Think about it ????? and u'd find a way
in something u use or eat, or consume, or abuse or something!.
But anyhow one of the things Id like to talk about to get this place
going is something Im presently doing:
Which is the production of a toy for sale, that is designed to make Bubbles
(pretty big ones as a matter of fact...OPS a parenthesis with in a parenthesis...
(soon pictures of these bubbles so u can understand better what it is that i do presently!).
I run off as to catch some late TV, as I have a lite dinner, before I retire to bed.
I cannot leave without expressing something, maybe I have? maybe i haven`T?.
Now here is where it begins, as to the fact that I have written about myself I began with my
Neurosis, because its the reason for this to become something that helps me
or tell`s me how crazy I really am....lol (sorry but true).
And as to what this place is?
Well anything that maybe stored in this place called...
(what could i call it a digital diary or some sort)
well I have to be true to: http://www.blogger.com/ .
This is like many have said "Until next time"
when or how?, who knows; but i can asume there will be more.
As dumb as it sounds think and dont forget to breathe!
P.S. I had written one before this one but it got erased,
because I did something I shouldn`t `since im a first user, but eventhough
its not the same, and I had loved how I wrote the first one, this is longer, still has the 2 main ideas ! me mentally and my present job u could say.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
How does this work.......?
Now Iam a little scared about this, since all my insanity
will eventually get to be in this page, there are thing I`d
like to have posted first and other that I`d might not like
to be on but since I have to give honor to the name of
my blog I might as well leave anything out.
So as to give this page a rightfull begining i shall up load
some of my writting tonight or tomorrow but as of tomorrow
the will be some neurosis! GARANTEED.
will eventually get to be in this page, there are thing I`d
like to have posted first and other that I`d might not like
to be on but since I have to give honor to the name of
my blog I might as well leave anything out.
So as to give this page a rightfull begining i shall up load
some of my writting tonight or tomorrow but as of tomorrow
the will be some neurosis! GARANTEED.
The beginig of a new world
Well first of all, you can see from the name of this blog that my name is Omar this page will be devote to my sanity as well as to my insanity, so if you are moved or disgusted let me know!
Omar.
Omar.
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